Happy Birthday Dad!

Today is my Father's Birthday. He was born 96 years ago today.

Here is a post I wrote two years ago: Remembering Dad

This is a picture of my 73 year old Father walking me down the aisle in 1988.

Delete

There is a lot of freedom when you hit the delete button. It is like setting something free, letting go. Today I deleted an email from April 2008. It was from a very close, dear friend of mine, who in a time of crisis felt alone, bitter and angry toward some of those people close to her.

It was the type of email one would write when you are so angry at a situation that you want to punch the wall. So instead you sit down and you write. Years ago, it would have been a hand written letter and once written, you would feel better and you would tear up that letter or burn that letter and move on.

Well that didn't happen, instead the email was sent. It was read out loud to my husband and summarized to a few other family members. Tears were shed for many months after. It was a breakup. A friendship breakup after 30 years. And it involved more than just two people, it involved families.

I have kept the email in my saved folder (why do we do that? I don't know) and during the first year I occasionally reread it to remind me why my friend no longer wanted to speak to me. Eventually I was able to laugh and joke about it. But was that just my defense mechanism, a way to avoid the pain? The hurt of the breakup remained.

People come in and out of our lives, they leave an imprint on our souls. And when they are gone that imprint remains, as does all the many memories, so much time shared together. The delete button doesn't remove any of that and I wouldn't want it to.

Our individual actions impact the lives of those around us in so many different ways and most of the time we have no idea how big that impact can be. Our daily decisions have the ability to alter our future.

Yes, I do believe life would be sweet if we could control how other people act, think and react. But it shouldn't really be a shock to discover that we don't have that kind of control. And really I don't think that's what we want.

So 2 years and 4 months later, I am hitting the delete button. I am turning the page. Will these tears I have now as I type this post be the last tears I shed over this situation? No, I'm sure they won't be.

But for now I will relish in the simple act of hitting the delete button.

Happy 30th on the 30th Natalie!

Journal entry August 30, 1980 (with updated commentary - yes it took me one month to write in my journal):

"Natalie was born Wednesday morning, July 30, 1980 at 3:26 a.m. 7 lbs. 5 ozs. 21 inches long. On Monday the 28th I had a doctor's appt. in the afternoon. I went & he checked me - I was dilated to 3. He said that the baby was coming real soon, and he wanted to check me at 6:00 that evening. I went back to work (I was working at Castleton's in the ZCMI center) & everyone was real excited. We went at 6:00 and nothing had changed. Monday night nothing happened. Tuesday I didn't go to work, I did laundry & some other errands (laundry was an errand because I had to go to the laundromat). That night it rained a little. Sam & I walked to 7-11 and then we walked around the block (our next door neighbor suggested we walk to move things along). We came home & I was getting ready to go to bed and my water broke (luckily I was in the bathroom at the time). We called Dr. Rasmussen and we were at the hospital (LDS Hospital in Salt Lake City) before midnight. They checked me in at the hospital & hooked me up in a labor room. Sam was with me through it all. I was in labor for about 3 hours. It was a really neat experience to see the baby born. Quite a miracle! The hospital was really nice. I could have the baby with me anytime. I came home on Friday morning."

And that day my life was changed forever.

Happy 30th Birthday Natalie!
Love you lots, Mom

Forever Young
May the good Lord be with you
Down every road that you roam
And may sunshine and happiness
Surround you when you're far from home
And may you grow to be proud, dignified and true
And do unto others as you'd have done to you
Be courageous and be brave
And in my heart you'll always stay
Forever young, forever young
Forever young, forever young
May good fortune be with you
May your guiding light be strong
Build a stairway to Heaven
With a prince or a vagabond
And may you never love in vain
And in my heart you will remain
Forever young, forever young
Forever young, forever young
Forever young, forever young, yeah
And when you finally fly away
I'll be hoping that I served you well
For all the wisdom of a lifetime
No one can ever tell
But whatever road you choose
I'm right behind you, win or lose
Forever young, forever young
Forever young, forever young
Forever young, forever young
For, forever young, forever young

© WB MUSIC CORP.; SPECIAL RIDER MUSIC; ROD STEWART

Happy 30th Birthday to My Daughter Natalie

Life is Good!

Hair Update

It's now been just over 6 weeks and this is where I'm at with my hair.

Does She or Doesn't She?

Well she doesn't anymore. After more than a year of pondering to continue coloring my hair (every 4 weeks) or to go au naturel, I am going natural.

I found this amazing website and I love looking at the photos of the women as they grow out their hair and the bad part eventually gets cut off/grown out and replaced by whatever their natural color may be.

It's almost like waiting for Christmas morning to find out just how gray, white or silver my hair might be. I'm guessing at my current length (which will likely get shorter) it will probably take me about 8 months to grow out the color.

I'm 5 weeks into the transition and am sporting an awesome skunk stripe and I'm thinking in the near future hat's will become my new best friend.

In the meantime I apologize for staring but I'm now obsessed with seeing how many women have let their hair go natural. It's kind of like when you are pregnant, you just keep seeing pregnant women everywhere you go.

And to my sisters - keep on rocking your gray/white/salt'n pepper hair!

Saturday Satisfaction

I'm reporting back to let you know my Saturday has been going really good.

Here's my list I put together on Friday night. It's not in any particular order (except for the first item)

• Sleep in - spent one week on vacation waking up at 9 a.m. then back to getting up at 5:45 a.m., on Saturday I'll find a compromise. - woke at 8:00 a.m.
• Deep clean the bathroom - need I repeat that I've been gone the last two weekends? - it's sparkly and smells good
• Vacuum - ditto the above
• Sew - working on a lap quilt, table runner and some other items, plus a backlog of quilt tops that need finished, not to mention just yesterday I ordered some Christmas fabric. - still have the rest of the weekend
• Saturday market - this one is dependant on somewhat decent weather, looking to see what local produce is out there. - so much fun, glad to see so many people there. Saw a black poodle in a dress and a 12 year old boy playing his clarinet with a basket for money! And the funniest thing happened. I was sitting on a bench munching on peas. Wally was waiting for the bathroom. On the side of the building was two garden hoses. Well Wally perfectly stepped on one of them that was laying on the handle and a big shot of water sprayed straight up in the air, we think it missed the guy sitting on the other bench.

My 5.00 flowers

• Maybe Carpinito Brothers, depends on what I find at Saturday market. - Washington berries from Carpinitos!

• Petco for a new dog bed. Did you know they make orthopedic beds for older dogs? - 10.00 less at Wal-mart and she approves.

This is Missy, she is 11 years old.

• Walk James Hill, it's been a very long time. - the hill is still there and if you don't do it very often the uphill climb totally kills your calves, 45 min round trip.
• Buy a few See's Chocolates and savor them (have a gift card from Mother's Day that isn't used up yet). - yuummm! (still have 2.00 left on my gift card)

Saturday Intentions on a Friday Night

Friday night means two things at my house, 1) husband will be watching Friday Night Smackdown and 2) I'll be on the computer.
I was out of town the last two Saturdays so I have quite a few things I'm hoping to accomplish tomorrow.

Here's my list in no particular order (except for the first item)

• Sleep in - spent one week on vacation waking up at 9 a.m. then back to getting up at 5:45 a.m., on Saturday I'll find a compromise.
• Deep clean the bathroom - need I repeat that I've been gone the last two weekends?
• Vacuum - ditto the above.
• Sew - working on a lap quilt, table runner and some other items, plus a backlog of quilt tops that need finished, not to mention just yesterday I ordered some Christmas fabric.
• Saturday market - this one is dependant on somewhat decent weather, looking to see what local produce is out there.
• Maybe Carpinito Brothers, depends on what I find at Saturday market.
• Petco for a new dog bed. Did you know they make orthopedic beds for older dogs?
• Walk James Hill, it's been a very long time.
• Buy a few See's Chocolates and savor them (have a gift card from Mother's Day that isn't used up yet).

Missing from the list is laundry and grocery shopping. Both were just done on Tuesday. Not much laundry so no big deal and groceries can wait until Monday.

Monday - ahhh, a holiday. That means anything I don't get done on Saturday I still have Monday. Did I mention I'm in the top 10 of the master list of procrastinators? There's something that I do well.

Here's a beautiful photo for your enjoyment of my favorite vacation spot. Henry's Lake in Island Park, Idaho.

My Stalker

I just want to say that sometimes this little guy is just too close for comfort. Yes, I am guilty of feeding him seeds and peanuts, perhaps it's love.

He actually hears me unlocking the front door and runs to the step. I have to open the door a tiny bit to peek out and make sure I can step outside without any critters getting inside.

But it makes the day interesting.

Are We There Yet?

I've started to notice this week as I am working full time and also getting prepared to go away on vacation, that lists and piles are popping up around the house. It just caught me this morning as being kind of funny.

There is the grocery list of what to buy before we leave home, and another grocery list of what to buy when we are closer to our destination so the head of lettuce may avoid spending 14 hours in the back of the truck. I know it will thank me later for that.

There is the pile of sewing supplies, the pile of things to give to my sister to take to my daughter, and one odd sized item that will be wrapped in Christmas paper (I'm sure it will get wrapped any day now) and delivered early to avoid trying to mail it.

Then there is the pile of canned goods and baking supplies and the photocopies of recipes. I know that after taking the same recipes to the cabin every year, they are probably still there, but what if they aren't? Do I really want to chance it trying to make cornflake coconut macaroons from memory? I think not.

Then there are the shoes that are not piled up yet. I was hoping my old shoes could last just this one more week, but alas, the hole in the little toe expanded. Just maybe I'll still wear them anyway.

And then the pile with the camera, the camera battery charger, the cell phone charger, headset and do I or do I not want to take my iPod? I'm thinking not. It's the great outdoors after all and I don't want to be walking on the dirt road wearing my iPod and not hear the cows or moose sneaking up behind me.

I thank my Dad for the list making gene that I inherited from him. I push my limit by trying to keep some lists in my head, but it's that little lined note pad that will save you every time.

Happy Summer Vacationing to All - I will note it's still raining in Seattle.

But we'll be soon calling it summer anyway.

Letter to My 20-Something Self

I found this blog today and loved reading the letters to "My 20-Something Self". What a great idea. It really makes you stop and do some thinking. I need to preface my letter by saying that I hit my 20s in the late '70s.

Dear 20-year old Tr,

First of all, have a sense of humor when Gail tells you what Tr, the nickname her older brother gave you when you were in Jr. High, stands for. Enjoy the disco music, the clothes, the shoes, the people, for believe it or not, it won't last forever. Someday you might even wish you had kept a pair of those shoes, or those black satin pants you wear dancing.

I'm sorry about Elvis. I know it was difficult when you realized you would never marry him when you grew up and now he's gone. But his music and his movies will live on forever.

Those work out clothes you wear to aerobics, don't wear them in public. And be patient cause they really are just a fad and they will get better. And keep exercising, always. It's important, trust me on this one.

Take time to talk with Mom and Dad and learn things about them when they were growing up. There will come a time when you will really, really want to talk to them and they just aren't there anymore.

Stay close to your siblings, know what is going on with them. Be a good friend. Don't be so self-absorbed. Expand your life. Be open to new opportunities even if they scare you.

Find your own style, stand up for the things you believe in. When you have babies, don't regret all the things you are unable to do at that time, but instead enjoy each moment with them, for they grow up so quickly.

Remember we go through "seasons" in our lives and in each season you will discover new things about yourself and you will find time to do the things that matter most to you.

I know right now you feel like your future is uncertain and at times you feel young and irresponsible, but you will find your footing and you will find your place. Things might not turn out exactly how you expect them to, but just go with it. You'll come out alright.

Just like Mom and Dad are always telling you, "I just want you to be happy". Find what makes you happy.

Love,
Much-older-Trudy