July Already and Only My 2nd Post this Year!

I have to say this year, 2023 has been a huge year of firsts for me. In January I went on my very first cruise. My friend Chris and I flew to Long Beach, California and boarded a Carnival Cruise ship right near the Queen Mary. It was a five day cruise with stops in Cabo San Lucas and Ensenada. I really enjoyed it. We only spent about 5 hours in the towns walking around and shopping. In Cabo we took a taxi to go visit a Costco, that was fun. The cruise we were on had LDS speakers and musicians so the time spent on the ship was super fun. I also loved the swimming pools and dancing every single night in the night club, mostly with a really fun group of women I met on the cruise. Our dinner table companions were fun to visit with. Two friends from Utah and a mother and daugther also from Utah.

My sister Sue came to town to attend the Sewing Expo at the fairgrounds in March. It was nice to be back there in person and we had a lot of fun in classes. 

Wally's brother Zack passed away in December, just months after Wally. His memorial was held in March in Bellingham.

In April I flew to Salt Lake when the granddaughters were out of school for spring break. And we had snow, lots of snow! It was a really fun trip.

May was a very busy month, with more time away from home then at home. I did a fun road trip to Medford, Oregon to stay with my two great nieces while their parents celebrated their 20th anniversary in Hawaii. The girls were in school and we had one weekend together. It was a really fun time.

I got back from Oregon and within a week I was on a plane to Salt Lake City. From there Natalie and I flew to Tulsa, Oklahoma. We rented a car and spent two nights in Pawhuska seeing all things Pioneer Woman. We had a blast. (Even though we would not recommend the hotel we stayed out.) Seeing the lodge was one of the best parts of the trip. The food was the other best part. We spent a night in Tulsa and explored the city, visiting lots of route 66 places. A highlight in Tulsa was visiting their botanical garden. We were even on some of the course for an Ironman race that was happening that morning.

June was my family reunion at the cabin in Island Park. Even though my kids were not able to be there it was a great week with lots of family coming and going throughout the week. Emily and I drove into Yellowstone Park. I got to go to the Playmill and see Beauty and the Beast. Walking around West Yellowstone is always fun. I just ate my last piece of saltwater taffy this week.

Looking forward to Taylor Swift's concert this month in Seattle with family coming for the weekend. Then another trip to Utah to see Alicia Keys in concert, Manti cousins reunion, and celebrate Natalie's birthday.

Navigating life solo has it's challenges but things are going well. I got the new roof on the house in April. Had a fun front patio installed in June. Went through Father's Day and 4th of July without Wally. He is still in my thoughts daily. 

2023!

I think my goal for my blog this year is to make a minimum of 12 posts. I'm already late to the game since it's now February. So Wally has been gone now for 5 months and one week. 

In that time I have experienced basically every holiday, birthday and special occasion without him. I have spent those days with friends and family. September-my birthday, October-Wally's birthday, Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year's, what would have been our 35th wedding anniversay in January and in a couple of weeks Valentine's Day. Phew!

How am I doing you ask? I am in a Facebook group for widow's and widowers, have attended a Zoom meeting to hear poetry that people have written about their grief, I'm loving Anderson Cooper's podcast as he prepares his Mother's apartments to be sold and he interviews other people who have had great loss in their lives.

I am currently reading the book, "It's Okay that You're Not Okay, Meeting Grief and Loss in a Culture That Doesn't Understand" by Megan Divine and have started counseling. I highly recommend this book even to those that have not suffered the death of a spouse. We don't talk about death and loss enough and we should.

Book on Amazon

Here are some things I have been learning about grief.

The stages of grief, the Kubler-Ross model, were actually based on people who were dying, not people who were grieving.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Five_stages_of_grief

Grief looks different for each individual. Do not compare one grief to another. Do not judge someone for how they grieve and how they do or do not move forward. You do not "get over" grief, you do not move on, you learn to move forward. 

There is always the discussion of whether or not a quick sudden death is better or worse, than knowing someone is dying and watching them for maybe months or years. There is no answer to that question. I've had that conversation with people. Either way the words left unspoken are left hanging.

I have learned that life goes on with or without my participation. I have more good days now than bad. I will continue to talk out loud to Wally, and cry when I need to cry. Grief and death changes your relationships with other people in unexpected ways, some good, some not. After living with someone for nearly 35 years it takes time to navigate this new life without him.

I've been blessed with some rock solid people in my life for support. We do not know all the struggles people around us might be going through. 

Remember "Be Kind; Everyone You Meet is Fighting a Hard Battle". Tell your people you love them, mend your broken relationships, live life.